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Best Facebook status updates - Tuesday - Page 77

My neighbour is stalking me, he Googled me, I saw it through my telescope.My neighbour is stalking me, he Googled me, I saw it through my telescope.
"Does this dress make me look fat?" ... "No, your fat makes you look fat.""Does this dress make me look fat?" ... "No, your fat makes you look fat."
Not texting back for 3 hours because you're a hard to get bastardNot texting back for 3 hours because you're a hard to get bastard
‎7.12 am OMG! im late again muuuuuuuuuuuum ?? why didn't you wake me up ? -.- mum: I did. 3 times and each time you told me that you were getting up right way ^.- and you belived me mum?!? -.-'‎7.12 am OMG! im late again muuuuuuuuuuuum ?? why didn't you wake me up ? -.- mum: I did. 3 times and each time you told me that you were getting up right way ^.- and you belived me mum?!? -.-'
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
Dropping out of society to live in the wilderness as a unicornDropping out of society to live in the wilderness as a unicorn
Sitting on your floor in your undies. Not knowing what to wear.Sitting on your floor in your undies. Not knowing what to wear.
I would love car sex. Or just sex. Or just a car.I would love car sex. Or just sex. Or just a car.
Asking Gollum to be the Ring Bearer for your Wedding.Asking Gollum to be the Ring Bearer for your Wedding.
When life is hard, I take a nap.When life is hard, I take a nap.
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