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Best Facebook status updates - Monday - Page 85
"Dude she just called you hot" - "They all do"
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Waving the offside flag when your Girlfriend leaves the kitchen
Doing whatever the f**k you want, because it's your life and no one else's
Licking Candy Canes Till They're Sharp And Then Stabbing People With Them
Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.
Getting a sticker at the dentist because you're a brave bastard.
Giving your friend the last chip so they have to deal with the rubbish
Romantically removing the gold paper from your nutella
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
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