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Best Facebook status updates - This Week - Page 133
Standing in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noises
Watching a romantic movie and accepting the fact you're going to die alone.
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Getting a sticker at the dentist because you're a brave bastard.
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"
I wanna be slammed against a wall and kissed like you mean it
"I need a drink or 12."
"Shut up, you love it"
The awkward moment when Barbie realises Ken has nothing in his pants.
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