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Best Facebook status updates - Thursday - Page 120
"Dude she just called you hot" - "They all do"
Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.
Giving your friend the last chip so they have to deal with the rubbish
Romantically removing the gold paper from your nutella
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
Looking at % instead of price when buying alcohol.
Ohe satisfaction of sleeping in your own bed after being away for so long.
Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"
You may wear the pants in this relationship, but i control the zipper. (:
Blanket on - too hot, blanket off - too cold, stick leg out - Demon eats you
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