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Best Facebook status updates - Tuesday - Page 43

Texting your mate after a night out to make sure they're aliveTexting your mate after a night out to make sure they're alive
Standing in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noisesStanding in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noises
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Waving the offside flag when your Girlfriend leaves the kitchenWaving the offside flag when your Girlfriend leaves the kitchen
Doing whatever the f**k you want, because it's your life and no one else'sDoing whatever the f**k you want, because it's your life and no one else's
Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.
Giving your friend the last chip so they have to deal with the rubbishGiving your friend the last chip so they have to deal with the rubbish
Looking at % instead of price when buying alcohol.Looking at % instead of price when buying alcohol.
Getting drunk and selling your friends for cigarettes.Getting drunk and selling your friends for cigarettes.
High heels were invented so women could put away dishes on the top shelf.High heels were invented so women could put away dishes on the top shelf.
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