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Best Facebook status updates - Page 46
Girls dad: "don't let him touch you", boys dad: "get in there son."
Don't you hate it when you just get comfortable and you realize that the remote is just out of reach?
That everyone has a different, weird smelling house. Except your house :D
How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex? Wipe your d*ck on the curtains. How do you make a woman scream twice? F**k her in the a*s, then wipe your d*ck on the drapes.
Sometimes we cant choose the music life gives us but we can definitely choose how we dance.
I Hate It When I Do something Amazing And No One Sees it
I don't have time to study, I'm a Ninja
I may look calm, but in my head I've killed you 3 times
When life is hard, I take a nap.
Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.
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