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Best Facebook status updates - Monday - Page 106

Standing in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noisesStanding in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noises
Watching a romantic movie and accepting the fact you're going to die alone.Watching a romantic movie and accepting the fact you're going to die alone.
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Doing whatever the f**k you want, because it's your life and no one else'sDoing whatever the f**k you want, because it's your life and no one else's
Licking Candy Canes Till They're Sharp And Then Stabbing People With ThemLicking Candy Canes Till They're Sharp And Then Stabbing People With Them
Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.
Getting a sticker at the dentist because you're a brave bastard.Getting a sticker at the dentist because you're a brave bastard.
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastardMarrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
Eating anything cause you're a fit bastard and have a high metabolismEating anything cause you're a fit bastard and have a high metabolism
Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"
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